Adding Insult to Injury

"Mr. McCourt is all over social media in photos with state officials so he clearly he can't be all that Autistic"...

This was the type of logic being used in comments made by Chief Deputy Carver County Attorney Peter Ivy this morning as I sat in a sentencing hearing this morning for a charge of "assaulting" a cop over the altercation I had with Chaska Police Department last October while I was having an Autistic meltdown. One of the officers got a "reddened knee" from tackling me over help I didn't want or ask for in the first place.

During the hearing Chaska Police Department, discussed the fact that I am damaging their reputation by questioning them and criticizing their protocol via social media and I am basically unrepentant. 

One of the reasons people find Chaska PD's actions questionable is the more they tried to make the case that they understood Autism, the more they looked like they didn't. For Example, if you watch the video footage of the altercation. I am engaging in repetitive hand motion called "stimming. " It is basically universal sign of an individual with Autism who is overstimulated. I am stimming through the entire incident. 

Thus despite the fact they never bothered to test BAC and 2 chemical dependency assessments to the contrary, the Carver county Attorney's office continued to perpetuate their version that I was intoxicated and belligerent and that I am " not really all that Autistic"...

And thus I sat there more out of a desire to tolerate the kangaroo court so I could commence with the various civil actions I intended to bring and less out of any genuine feelings of remorse or guilt.

But this was not the first time I had to deal with discrimination on the basis that I am what's often called "high functioning" and its certainly not the first time  people have said "you dont really look all that autistic,” so what do people with Autism like? 

To begin with I am autistic: My official diagnosis is Asperger’s, or what is now Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). 

ASD is a piece of who I am. I think differently,  feel differently, respond differently. 

I have a distinct need for routine.  If you look at my calendar on my phone. I schedule everything to the minute and I get very frazzled if it changes, particularly if it is a last minute change . As a kid if my parents took a different way home in the car, I would melt down or get very anxious because it was "out of the ordinary"

I am hyper -sensitive.  Certain sensations really bother me but I am weird about pressure. As a kid I calmed down with bear hugs and my parents got memberships to water massage parlors.

I also struggled with motor skills.If I jumped I couldn't land on my feet.  I couldn't ride a bike until I was a teenager because my muscles and coordination didn't always work all that great.  

Years of social skills training have made me capable of holding conversations but I have always retained the stereotypical bluntness of those with an Autism diagnosis

I also perseverate. Even as an Adult, My mom and dad have had to come to my house periodically because I obsess over things to the point where I legitimately just shut down and can't function  Basically I get into a rut and couldn't get out of it. They have to help me change my thinking patterns to get out of it. 

Other common traits of Autism include a lack of eye contact,  and defaulting to literal interpretation. Autism exhibits itself differently in everybody and the common traits are not always immediately evident. 

But the question "Is he actually autistic, ” has always been problematic for me. People ask it as  if I look  too “normal,” too not-autistic to actually be autistic and that I have to  prove, with my physical appearance, that I  am what I say I am.  

I’ve always had a desire to connect with  other people but  I’ve always known I was different because my parents told me I had Autism at a very early age. I was about 7 or 8 I think but knowing I was different made me angry. I wanted to be normal, I didn't really like being told I had to do something differently than other people. 

By the time I entered high school, I had created a new "Noah McCourt" at home I was a social butterfly at School I rarely spoke a word to anybody. People remember me as being silent. I didn't really get my peers so rather than attempting to build relationships and face rejection, I basically avoided having any so people would never realize any abnormalities

The perspective I have on the world us uniquely my own and in many ways are  informed  by the fact I have Autism , whether it "looks like I am Autistic "or not. 

Ultimately, there was a point in my life that I would have been probably been thrilled with the Carver County Attorneys 's comments this morning as he was essentially commenting on my ability to mirror the social norms of others and mask the fact I have Autism  but I came to realize several years ago that all the attempts to make myself "more acceptable" "more likable" "more normal" to others left me in a really  dark place.

I think in many ways those of who are considered to have high functioning Autism have it just as difficult than those who exhibit signs of classical autism as my mom pointed out the other day:

"As a kid people saw the disability they didn't see the intellect behind the disability,  now people see the intellect and they don't see the disability and the significant challenges that still exist behind the intellect."

Or As one advocate put it "So called Mild Autism doesn't mean one experiences Autism mildly, it means you experience their Autism mildly. You may never know how hard they have worked to get where they are "