Christmas Carols with Sgt Douche-zan

*To the tune of Grandma got run over by a reindeer*

Grandma got harrassed by Chaska PD
Coming home to our house Christmas Day
The perpetrator wasn't any pervert
It was Lawrenz looking for Latino detainees

Grandma got into her accord
and she didn't have to drive that far
then she saw the lights behind her
And then Joe Kavlie said "Please step out of the car"

Her metal hip set thier wand off
so they had to pat her down
but they patted her so roughly
that her depends underwear fell to the ground

She never felt so violated
and when they finished thier attack
There were glovemarks on her buttocks
and incrimminating latex in her crack

They made her take her wooden leg off
and remove her purple wig
they confisicated all her prune juice
as they rumaged through he car trunk like some pigs

Now grandma's cherub like demenaor
had really turned into a funk
She saw Duzan checking Grandpa's wiener
raised her cane and shouted out Don't touch his junk!

Now Grandma knew we'd start without her
and she was left in her misery
Holding her leg her wig her undergarments
and what was left of her civil liberties

So show Scott Knight your tatas
Let him grope your daughter and your son
If we fall in line and let him strip of us of our freedoms
then we know that the Criminals have won

but this Christmas, if you're looking for some action
Maybe a quick romantic rendezvous
Just stop by Chaska City hall
and ask a Chaska cop if they'll fondle you...